Sunday, April 06, 2008

■ Presentation-O-Phobia

I haven't slept properly for the last 4 days. My appetite has reduced to bare minimum. The dark circle around my eyes is good enough to make a baby soil its pants. I am terrified. I have a presentation due after two days!

The technical term is Glossophobia and more commonly known as fear of public speaking or stage fright. I was not aware of the term back in class1 but could figure out that something was wrong, when I failed to recollect the last line of 'twinkle-twinkle little star' during a poem competition, despite the fact that my mom had me rehearsed it for zillion times!

I had actively taken part in co-curricular activities during my school days but always maintained safe distance from debates and elocutions. I am appalled as to how a person can talk on topics like 'the pros and cons of privatization in public sectors' for 20 minutes continuously without staring at a piece of paper, in front of a crowd which is as supportive as the opposition party members in the parliament but still ends up talking sense.

Things were going pretty fine till I was assigned a presentation! Its a part of the course curriculum. Damn! I should have read the syllabus properly before enrolling for the course!

D-day:

I reached class an hour early. It's quite funny how things look different when u stand in front of the class. I was still hoping that something would happen and I would be spared. I even thought of messing with the projector but the CC camera installed, took the last hope away. Students started pouring and finally it was time for me to start.

Below is the excerpt of the conversation that took place between my soul and the body:

soul: dude, just stay calm and keep your cool okk? you have put considerable effort for the presentation. It's not the PM's speech for independence day.

body: yeah dude, hope things go fine. thanx for being supportive!

soul: you are looking decent ... nice shirt.. but what's that smell? how many times have I asked you not to buy cheap deodorants from dollar store? Anyway greet everyone.. put up the charming smile u have.. start as I count to 3.. 1-2-3 and its Show Time!

body: dude! I think it would be good to start with a joke! it will lighten the mood!

soul: mamu! khali pili dimag ka dahi mat bana! kaan ke niche bajaun kya?? jitna bola utna hi kiya kar.

body: Hello Everybody! I am krish ..

soul: yeah, good start! see I told you things will be fine.. and what's that fake accent? You are a desi..be desi!

body: My topic is 'Automated generation of Test Inputs.." um uh dude! I forgot the topic! help me! man! I knew I am going to screw this up.. what do I do now?!

soul: Gosh! first of all you got a very small memory and on that u have stuffed it with crap data. You make it a point to store what Ashwarya had put on while singing 'krazy kiya re' and the BigB's lines while he beat the shit out of the bad guys! but you didn't think it was important to allocate some space for the presentation! how irresponsible can you be?!

body: sorry yaar! don't be mad at me now! I promise I won't repeat this. Help me! I beg you!

soul: Ok! but this is the last time! Now ask your eyes to stop checking out that babe, there is plenty of time afterwards! look at the LCD panel, the topic is written in big bold letters, jackass!

body: oh! thanx dude! the eyes have really gone out of control. I need to have a check on them!

soul: hmm ... dude control your legs! they r shaking and my God your heart is pounding as if it will explode! you are sweating like hell! You poor little thing!

body: I can't take it any more dude! I am planning to run out of the class!

soul: You gone crazy?? Izzat ka faluda mat bana! cool down! Look it's not at all a big deal. Focus on the slides and read whatever is written! At times make some eye contact with the students and move your hands tactfully and try to be expressive. Finally remember that no one has the slightest idea about the topic and honestly no one gives a crap so just try to look confidant.

The immature acts of the fidgeting body continued and the poor soul tried its best to save the show. After what seemed like 200 years the ordeal finally ended with the 'thank you' slide!

The prof was quite satisfied with whatever material I covered. It was a pleasant surprise when she said that she found me 'calm' during the presentation! If only she knew what I was going through!


2 Comments:

Intuitive exploration said...

hahhaha.......can't stop the tears from flowing....I am laughing so hard!!
Good writing , Krish. I really admire the different approach :-)

Veneetha

mayank said...

mast hai! :-)

 

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