Monday, November 17, 2008

■ Tera Kya Hoga Kaalia?

Some of my friends already got married, some are getting married and the rest who are not getting married in recent future are least getting committed. I am pretty sure that by the time this post is up in my blog, a bunch of my pals would have updated their status in Orkut! These days I receive more marriage invitations emails, than the number of 'discount-on-Viagra', 'mortgage-offers' and 'weight-loss-pills' spam mails put together!

Last week my maternal aunt called:

aunt: so now that u are done with your Masters and started working, have you told your mom about your girlfriend?
me: huh? girlfriend? What girlfriend?
aunt: you must be seeing someone naa..
me: nope..I am not!
aunt: seriously ?!!
me: seriously!
aunt: *pause*
me: *pause*
aunt: why?!!

She would believe Rabri Devi scorching the ramp for Manish Malhotra at Paris fashion week, Sushri Mayawati winning the Miss Universe pageant, even the free distribution of roses and promotion of valentine's day by Bajrang Dal, but me not having a girlfriend was beyond her imagination!

kasam Silpa Shetty's zero size kamar ki! I had a tough time convincing her.

aunt: oh dear! She gasped, she almost had a 'arrey yeh PSPO* nahin jaanta' - classic zor ka jhatka!
*[yester year Orient ceiling fan Ad where PSPO literate citizen are shocked when they come across a man ignorant of the PSPO concept. They humiliate him to death.The Ad makes it a point to prove that PSPO is a must know thing for all, even for a newly born baby]

Apparently for my aunt, not having a girlfriend was more disastrous than missing your Polio and DPT vaccine doses during your childhood.

aunt: you are old enough to get married now! You should start looking for a girl!
me: I thought mom is going to take care of that!
aunt: eh? All this time your parents took care of all your needs! can't you search a girl by
yourself?!! Have some pity on them!!
me:
gosh! I never thought that way! ..but I am not mentally prepared now.. I need more time.
aunt: more time?! There will never be a right time! By the time you make up your mind, your friend's kids would be big enough to pull your t-shirt and demand 'chacha-chacha humko kahani sunao naa!'

You know, during my college years I had a dozen of guys after me, but your grandpa was
bent on arranged marriage and i had to end up with your uncle! *sigh*
Things have changed now!

Okey, no more wasting time. Your situation is critical! Let me help you out!
Aah! I am so excited! This is more fun than shopping! Tell me what kind of girl do you have in mind?
me: hmm...
aunt: now don't demand like typical guys..

they won't settle anything less than a hybrid of Katrina and Anjelina..
who should cook like Tarala Dalal and sing like Shreya Ghoshal..
be Gharelu types yet dress as elegant as Sarah Palin and when needed should charm you on tunes of 'beedi jalaile'!
would say 'its ok' and not make you sleep on couch even if you forgot her birthday for the third time in a row!
and let you watch "Dumb & Dumber" again while the final episode of 'kyun ki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi' is being aired!
disgusting!

me:
err.. uh um...uh...( OMG!! this lady can read minds!!!)
aunt: anyways....Lets start with Orkut. There must be some girls in your 'friend list'.
me: hmm... I do have, but they are all committed!
aunt: huh? all committed? What were you doing when they were getting committed? had you gone to the Himalayas to attain spiritual knowledge?!! Anyways, how about your workplace? There must be some eligible girls in your team.
me: 'All -Male' team and all are married except me and one more guy!
aunt: O boy! What did you do to end up in a team like that? Your team lead is too smart recruiting only guys. No distractions hence increasing productivity. How about pubs?
me: last week I went to a pub near my place and got hit by 2! but...
aunt: Aah! Girls approached you! That's good! I knew you have potential. You just have to look at the right places. So did anything worked? Did you get their number?
me: well ya, in fact both of them did! but....
aunt: wow! That's great! Any desi girl among them? All Americans? Chinese? Well, I am open minded but I doubt your parents! Moreover if you end up with a Chinese, she will serve food with chop sticks! I will manage but your uncle is not a great fan of those. Last time we went to a sushi bar, he was struggling and took an hour to finish a bowl with those! So tell me how much time did you spend there? Did you call them? Oh! this is getting interesting!
me: I never called anyone!
aunt: Aiyoo!! why?? Weren't they good looking?
me: *pause* uh...
aunt: what??
me: umm... I was hit by men! That's what i was trying to tell you...

I heard her bursting into laughter, kinda like the way Sidhu does in Great Indian laughter Challenge! ... possibly she was rolling on the floor! soon my uncle joined! guess it was too much for my aunt to resist and not share with him... more giggles.. huh? Did she broadcast it to the whole colony?
That was fast! Women!
It went on for quite sometime! I was spared only after my 8 year old young cousin got curious and asked my aunt-"what's gay, Ma?!"

2 Comments:

Anonymous said...

first to comment again... wt exactly did u dress like to get hit by men?? just curious

Pradip said...

Thats a very nice post and I can relate to it as I am also being pestered by all nowa days... only fisrt part though...BTW what were you doing in a Gay bar dude??? Were you wearing PINK shirt by any chance?

 

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