It was 3 in the night, I was in my room, surfing. K was in deep sleep, as usual with his eyes open ( kya mast GOD gift hai! he can dare to sleep while sitting in the front row of the class! for long, I was unaware of his ability. One day when I pointed towards a magazine featuring Rakhi Saawant wearing a dress, half the size of my handkerchief to which he didn't react, I knew something was wrong!) Suddenly H barged into the room panting. He was tensed. I tried to figure out the reason. Did the hostel superintendent found out that we were sneaking out regularly for late night movies or did S failed to manage the first day first show tickets for 'Charlie's Angels 2'! The 'karamchand' inside me could not think of anything more gruesome. H found his breath and in an alarming voice said ' its less than 2 weeks for the exam and i am still in the 5th chapter!'
"teri to.." it was K, wide awake, what followed was a stream of adjectives expressing his unhappiness due to the sudden interruption of his sound sleep. H happens to be a sincere member of the 'padhne likhne waale' elite club. He is among the honhaar types whom the teachers would know by name and not the color of shirt one wears, would attend all classes, sit on the front bench and would finish the course even before the semester starts! I was relieved! At least it was not the tickets! I made some mental calculations and then comforted him - "chill maar boss, 12 days to go and its only 6 chapters. 2 ka average! tension mat le..ho jaayega! Abhi junior 'American Pie 2' ka CD deke gaya hai. chal dekhte hain, S and M ko ping kar diya hai, they too are joining".
10 minutes to go for the exam, I was sitting in the class retrospecting. 12 days kaise kate pata bhi nahin chala! I haven't prepared well. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. What if I fail?! my friends would laugh at me, my dad would kick me out! I would be thrown out of college! I won't be able to get a good job! then I would have to work as chaiwaala for a living! my wife would be forced to work as a kaamwaali! Unable to meet ends, my kids, Chintu and Munni would have to drop out of school! Chintu would end up in bad company! He would start smoking and do drugs and be the muhalle ka lafanga! Unable to tolerate anymore my wife would regret -" Agar Chintu ke papa ek exam paas ho jate to M ki biwi ki tarah main bhi har week shopping ke liye jaati! aur dopahar ko 'kabhi Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi' dekh rahi hoti!!... Chintu aur Munni ko bhi yeh din dekhna nahin padta!" Eeeks!! I screamed louder than Paris Hilton would, if she found a rat in her closet! I froze to death! I shivered! I sent an SMS! SMS bole to "SAVE MY SOUL"! I sent it to the ALMIGHTY to save me and subsequently save Chintu from turning into the awaara luchcha!
The SMS : "bhagwaan jee!! ab aapse kya chupana, aapko to sab pata hai! mera beda paar lagwaado! This time I have not prepared well but then I had been a gud guy, I dont have drinking problems! ladkion ko bhi nahin chedta! I promise I'll study next time! plz take care of me this time! aaj hi shaam ko jaakar madir main 2 nariyal chadhaunga! 2 week ke liye koi bhi movie nahin dekhunga! K ko 1 more hr daily computer use karne dunga! I will attend all the classes from next semester, sit on the first row and take notes regularly! ek dum sacchi! I promise! plz plz this is the last time!"
The bell rang, I kept praying as hard as I could, added some more conditions to my prayer that I would abide by, in case He lends an ear to my prayer! Finally the question paper was handed to
me! One swift glance and I found only the 1st question attemptable, I could vaguely recollect the topics of 2nd and 3rd question and the rest of the questions were as much familiar to me as the recipe of Chicken Biriyani to Mariah Carey! probably my SMS did not reach HIM.
I wrote whatever I knew about the topic. I wrote in xtra large fonts with xtra long spaces! After struggling for half an hour I could barely fill two pages! I had all the time in the world and nothing to write so thought of watching what others were doing. I found the following classes of people:
the padhne waale: They are sincere. They are the only kinds who actually love exams! they have so much to write that even the allotted exam time falls short! When asked, how they performed in the exam, they would make a gloomy face and whine ' ek dum kharab!, i left part of 5th question ka b) category! it was of worth 0.5 marks!
the superstitious types: this group is physically distinguishable from others! part of them would not cut their hair or shave during the exam month! probably they believe that whatever they learn gets stored in the hair , so trimming them would be disastrous! some would wear their lucky shirt and write with the pen they consider it to be lucky! and finally the ones who would not take bath! I wonder what would be the underlying logic!
the bhai: they are a constant pain to those who sit around them during the exam! You are determined this time, not to show your answers to them! One 'bahar chal, tere ko dekhta hoon' look from them and you succumb to their irrational demand again! Save your self from being manhandled! afterall, jaan hai to jahan hai!
the micro xerox: if asked, "arrey bhai, network layers waala question ka answer bata!" they promptly reply you back - "OSI layer ka first 2 layers ka detail, right shoe ke socks ke andar hai, next 2 layers ka detail shirt ke left sleeve ke fold main hain and rest 3 layers ke liye washroom jaana padega.. thoda andar hai!"
'need some help?' I was interrupted. It was M. She must have seen me sitting idle. It was a relief! but then the gandhigiri in me was uncomfortable! "satya ke rah pe chalo" opposed the inner voice within! I knew it was right but the thought of Chintu holding a daaru ki botal and singing 'aati kya khandala' at the gali ke nukkad when the muhalle ke girls pass by, put me in a dilemma! I did not copy-paste but took some pointers from her and jaise-taise finished my exam! I promised myself to study next time!
That evening when H came complaining again about the next exam- "its a difficult subject, lots to cover and this time we have only a week", I was serious but was worn out with whatever I went through in the morning. I made him sit and said, 'its been a hectic day today, thoda relax karte hain and then from tomorrow, we will start with full passion!"
Needless to say the 'tomorrow' never came! I am sitting in the exam room with the question paper in my hand having not even the slightest idea about the questions! even worse M has a seat far away from me!
When will I grow up!
kya hoga mere Chintu ka!
"teri to.." it was K, wide awake, what followed was a stream of adjectives expressing his unhappiness due to the sudden interruption of his sound sleep. H happens to be a sincere member of the 'padhne likhne waale' elite club. He is among the honhaar types whom the teachers would know by name and not the color of shirt one wears, would attend all classes, sit on the front bench and would finish the course even before the semester starts! I was relieved! At least it was not the tickets! I made some mental calculations and then comforted him - "chill maar boss, 12 days to go and its only 6 chapters. 2 ka average! tension mat le..ho jaayega! Abhi junior 'American Pie 2' ka CD deke gaya hai. chal dekhte hain, S and M ko ping kar diya hai, they too are joining".
10 minutes to go for the exam, I was sitting in the class retrospecting. 12 days kaise kate pata bhi nahin chala! I haven't prepared well. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. What if I fail?! my friends would laugh at me, my dad would kick me out! I would be thrown out of college! I won't be able to get a good job! then I would have to work as chaiwaala for a living! my wife would be forced to work as a kaamwaali! Unable to meet ends, my kids, Chintu and Munni would have to drop out of school! Chintu would end up in bad company! He would start smoking and do drugs and be the muhalle ka lafanga! Unable to tolerate anymore my wife would regret -" Agar Chintu ke papa ek exam paas ho jate to M ki biwi ki tarah main bhi har week shopping ke liye jaati! aur dopahar ko 'kabhi Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi' dekh rahi hoti!!... Chintu aur Munni ko bhi yeh din dekhna nahin padta!" Eeeks!! I screamed louder than Paris Hilton would, if she found a rat in her closet! I froze to death! I shivered! I sent an SMS! SMS bole to "SAVE MY SOUL"! I sent it to the ALMIGHTY to save me and subsequently save Chintu from turning into the awaara luchcha!
The SMS : "bhagwaan jee!! ab aapse kya chupana, aapko to sab pata hai! mera beda paar lagwaado! This time I have not prepared well but then I had been a gud guy, I dont have drinking problems! ladkion ko bhi nahin chedta! I promise I'll study next time! plz take care of me this time! aaj hi shaam ko jaakar madir main 2 nariyal chadhaunga! 2 week ke liye koi bhi movie nahin dekhunga! K ko 1 more hr daily computer use karne dunga! I will attend all the classes from next semester, sit on the first row and take notes regularly! ek dum sacchi! I promise! plz plz this is the last time!"
The bell rang, I kept praying as hard as I could, added some more conditions to my prayer that I would abide by, in case He lends an ear to my prayer! Finally the question paper was handed to
me! One swift glance and I found only the 1st question attemptable, I could vaguely recollect the topics of 2nd and 3rd question and the rest of the questions were as much familiar to me as the recipe of Chicken Biriyani to Mariah Carey! probably my SMS did not reach HIM.I wrote whatever I knew about the topic. I wrote in xtra large fonts with xtra long spaces! After struggling for half an hour I could barely fill two pages! I had all the time in the world and nothing to write so thought of watching what others were doing. I found the following classes of people:
the padhne waale: They are sincere. They are the only kinds who actually love exams! they have so much to write that even the allotted exam time falls short! When asked, how they performed in the exam, they would make a gloomy face and whine ' ek dum kharab!, i left part of 5th question ka b) category! it was of worth 0.5 marks!
the superstitious types: this group is physically distinguishable from others! part of them would not cut their hair or shave during the exam month! probably they believe that whatever they learn gets stored in the hair , so trimming them would be disastrous! some would wear their lucky shirt and write with the pen they consider it to be lucky! and finally the ones who would not take bath! I wonder what would be the underlying logic!
the bhai: they are a constant pain to those who sit around them during the exam! You are determined this time, not to show your answers to them! One 'bahar chal, tere ko dekhta hoon' look from them and you succumb to their irrational demand again! Save your self from being manhandled! afterall, jaan hai to jahan hai!
the micro xerox: if asked, "arrey bhai, network layers waala question ka answer bata!" they promptly reply you back - "OSI layer ka first 2 layers ka detail, right shoe ke socks ke andar hai, next 2 layers ka detail shirt ke left sleeve ke fold main hain and rest 3 layers ke liye washroom jaana padega.. thoda andar hai!"
'need some help?' I was interrupted. It was M. She must have seen me sitting idle. It was a relief! but then the gandhigiri in me was uncomfortable! "satya ke rah pe chalo" opposed the inner voice within! I knew it was right but the thought of Chintu holding a daaru ki botal and singing 'aati kya khandala' at the gali ke nukkad when the muhalle ke girls pass by, put me in a dilemma! I did not copy-paste but took some pointers from her and jaise-taise finished my exam! I promised myself to study next time!
That evening when H came complaining again about the next exam- "its a difficult subject, lots to cover and this time we have only a week", I was serious but was worn out with whatever I went through in the morning. I made him sit and said, 'its been a hectic day today, thoda relax karte hain and then from tomorrow, we will start with full passion!"
Needless to say the 'tomorrow' never came! I am sitting in the exam room with the question paper in my hand having not even the slightest idea about the questions! even worse M has a seat far away from me!
When will I grow up!
kya hoga mere Chintu ka!
