■ CHOTE MIYAN

'Are u sure??' she asked, the receptionist was somewhat wary. She was checking the personal details that I had submitted for the university record. I knew exactly what made her give me the 'don't-be-smart-pants' look. I stood there like the kid who was caught stealing cookies from kitchen. Reluctantly, I took the document back, decreased the entry against the HEIGHT field by three inches and shoved it back.

I had been a satisfied guy. I don't dream of sharing a cubicle with Mr. Gates, don't have the fancy of being on the advisory committee of our honorable Mr. President, I don't even fantasize of being on a date with Scarlett Johansson! um uh err jyada ho gaya.. guess, you can spare the last one. Whatever, my whole point is that I am a nearly-contented guy. I am glad the way I am, except for one small regret. I am not quite happy with my height. It is limited to the extent that Shakil O'Neil is a giant on my scale. Its doubtful that I might not to be considered an average-height-male even in Japan! This didn't make me very happy. I am half as happy as the white guy whose blond wife recently gave birth to an African-American triplet! Believe me, its not at all a pleasant experience, when you shop for your clothes in the section where the sign reads 'under 16 years'.

While in school, my mother had to specially request my teachers to allow me to take the front seats, not because she thought that I was a sincere whiz-kid, dug books and had a 'i-know-everything' halo circling my head but for obvious reasons.

My mother tried her best, made sure that I had every health drink available in the market. Any new commercial whose tag line went 'badhte bachchon ke liye' would be included in my daily diet! I had the one, which Sachin revealed, was 'the secret of his energy'. I even had the one which featured the then young-Ayesha Takia as the growing girl, her mother apparently pissed as the girl was growing by leaps and bounds and her skirts were falling short frequently ( guess she is still regular with that drink! chota-trivia: the boy in the Ad is Shahid Kapoor) Everything possible was tried n tested but could not help me add even a tenth of an inch to my immensely poor stats.

With the cable TV subscription, I was introduced to the world of Teleshopping. An ultimate wonderland that introduces the viewers to ultimate gadgets and commodities. The famous of them being the weight-loss cream, boasting to have the capability to turn anyone into slim-trim Mallika Sherawat, without even shedding a drop of sweat and the wonder-oil that would force hair even on the shiny bare head of Rakesh Roshan! But the Ad that attracted my attention the most, was the height-booster-foot-sole. A girl is shown whining about not being able to lure guys coz of her short height, also a guy, completely humiliated by his so-called tall friends, laments - 'pehle mujhe bahut sharm aati thi... main kahin bahar jaana pasand nahin karta tha... mujhe mere dost chidhate the'. After constant use of the product for a month, miracle happens, both the 'zamana ka sataya' victims gain the badly needed extra inch! the guy regains his long lost confidence and gladly narrates 'ab mujhe bahut achcha mehsus hota hai... main ab party ki jaan ban gaya hoon!' and the girl is equally happy. In short the magic-sole has transformed them into Brad pitt and Angelina jolie respectively, charming everyone on their way!

I was enchanted! The Ad mesmerized me! Finally, I thought, my pursuit of eternal happiness was over. My key to charm the 'colony-ki-heart-throb' was just a phone ring away and had a price tag of Rs 999 only!

I never made the call. May be, coz of the fact that I eventually realized that Sachin hitting a smashing boundary, Maradona scoring the winning goal, Amir Khan delivering one block-buster after another and girls falling for the macho Salman is not limited by their short structure.